Just when she thought the debilitating anxiety of her pregnancy was behind her, Natalie found herself pushed to the brink by insomnia. What began as ten sleepless nights quickly unravelled into terrifying hallucinations and inescapable panic that she would never be able to sleep again.

In this raw and deeply moving episode, we sit with Natalie for part two of her story as she reveals the emotional toll of sleep deprivation and divulges one of the most vulnerable moments of her life: the unexpected mental health crisis she faced in early postpartum.

With heart-wrenching honesty, Natalie recounts the moment she asked her husband to leave the room so she could confide in the Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT) about her hallucination, the bittersweet decision to separate from her newborn baby in the hopes of finally getting some sleep, the desperation she felt when her prescribed sleeping medication did not work and the unwavering support of her family as they witnessed the darkest hours of her crisis in the emergency room and the acute mental health ward.

This is not just a story of survival. It's a story about the profound difference that compassionate care can make, about the urgent need for better access to mother-and-baby mental health services, and about the importance of breaking the silence around perinatal mental illness. Above all, it’s a reminder that in our darkest moments, being held - both physically and emotionally - can be a lifeline.

Whether you’re a parent, partner, healthcare provider, or simply someone who cares, Natalie’s story will stay with you for a long time and show you that there is help, there is hope.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

Like so many of us with antenatal anxiety, Natalie downplayed her symptoms and clung to the belief that she would find relief from the all-consuming worry and insomnia when her baby was finally in her arms. But instead of finding relief after birth, Natalie’s symptoms only grew stronger.

In this heartfelt episode, Natalie shares in excruciating detail the messiness of mental health during pregnancy and recounts how a flare of her pre-existing autoimmune disease and a ‘high-risk’ label only fuelled her tireless need for reassurance: fixating on the baby’s movements, counting down the days until the next scan at the hospital, scouring Facebook groups to compare stories, and trying to interpret doppler readings on Google.

This is a story I hear all too often, and one that I personally know all too well.

This is a story about the human mind’s desperate attempts to find safety from constant anxiety and insomnia.

This is a story about deep love and deep fear, and how closely those can exist side-by-side.

This is part one of Natalie’s raw and profoundly relatable story.

If you’ve ever felt consumed by anxiety in pregnancy or early postpartum, or know someone who has, this episode is for you.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

With a family history of postpartum depression, Chloe thought she knew what signs and symptoms to look out for when it came to perinatal mental illness. But, as she says, she didn’t know about the ‘opposite side’.

Immediately after birth, Chloe couldn’t sleep, and within five days, she was experiencing a psychotic episode - or what she calls, ‘the crash’. Like clockwork, the same thing happened within five days of her second birth.

In this episode, Tassie mum of two, Chloe, vividly recounts the insomnia, euphoria, mania, hallucinations, and delusions that consumed her early postpartum days, as well as the crippling and juxtaposing depression that unfortunately followed her second episode.

Above all, Chloe takes me on a journey through the aftermath of her experiences: the loneliness she felt, the need to make sense of what happened, discovering her new ‘normal’, fostering support and connections, the trial-and-error that comes with recovery, and all the ways she is determinedly trying to make peace with it all.

This is Chloe’s not-to-be-missed story about the highs and lows (and everything in between) of parenting and surviving postpartum psychosis.

For over a year, Ariane hid the true severity of her symptoms and tried so hard to portray a choreographed image of the good, responsive mother who kept it all together. Motherhood was the performance of her life… until it wasn't.

The stage makeup and sparkles fell away when her symptoms escalated and she had to be admitted to a general psychiatric hospital. Ariane had to finally step out of the spotlight and allow her psychiatrist to take the lead, but this is when she was able to recover.

In this episode we discuss all the facets of Ariane’s recovery: medication, diagnosis, psychodynamic therapy with her psychiatrist, a hospital admission, art therapy, dancing, embracing the mundanity of recovery, and finding purpose through writing, advocating via the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE), teaching ballet, and publishing her new novel, Because I’m Not Myself, You See.

Part story, part book review, part in-depth discussion about the current state of perinatal mental health and advocacy, and part amused ramblings from two MBU graduates, this is part two of Ariane’s story. Buckle up, it’s going to be quite the ride.

When Ariane became a mother, it wasn’t just the sudden onset of delusions, hallucinations, and severe depression that haunted her early days of parenting. From body image triggers, the pervasive grip of perfectionism, the reluctance to seek help, and the fear of her son being forcibly removed, it was also Ariane’s complex history as a ballet dancer, case worker and registered psychologist that cast a long, dark shadow over her mental health in pregnancy and postpartum.

In this episode, I am joined by none other than Ariane Beeston, author of the newly released memoir Because I’m not Myself, You See, who so vulnerably revisits the ghosts of her past with me and who shares, with incredible insight, the realities of mental ill health as both a patient, former practitioner, and advocate.

This is part one of Ariane’s harrowing, albeit profound, story, that explores her formative years and early motherhood, up until the moment she realised she had to release the control she sought over her past and present in order to welcome recovery in the future.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation, and briefly mentions suicide and infanticide. Go gently.