For over a year, Ariane hid the true severity of her symptoms and tried so hard to portray a choreographed image of the good, responsive mother who kept it all together. Motherhood was the performance of her life… until it wasn't.

The stage makeup and sparkles fell away when her symptoms escalated and she had to be admitted to a general psychiatric hospital. Ariane had to finally step out of the spotlight and allow her psychiatrist to take the lead, but this is when she was able to recover.

In this episode we discuss all the facets of Ariane’s recovery: medication, diagnosis, psychodynamic therapy with her psychiatrist, a hospital admission, art therapy, dancing, embracing the mundanity of recovery, and finding purpose through writing, advocating via the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE), teaching ballet, and publishing her new novel, Because I’m Not Myself, You See.

Part story, part book review, part in-depth discussion about the current state of perinatal mental health and advocacy, and part amused ramblings from two MBU graduates, this is part two of Ariane’s story. Buckle up, it’s going to be quite the ride.

After experiencing birth trauma and the isolation of becoming a first-time mother during the pandemic, Laura was both excited and determined that her next pregnancy, birth, and postpartum was going to be different. The experience with her daughter, Millie, was going to be her ‘redo’.

Unfortunately for Laura, re-experiencing fetal growth restriction (IUGR) and a precipitous labour broke her. Flashbacks, insomnia, panic attacks, and depression immediately hijacked her second postpartum and left her feeling more hopeless and alone than ever before - an undoing, rather than a redoing.

As Millie turns one, Laura and I sit down to reflect on the year that was: the pervasive way that birth trauma impacts our parenting, the incredible and not-so-incredible supports that Laura was able to lean on, the challenges of navigating a mental health system that’s not neatly designed to accommodate the logistics of parenting an older child, and the moments Laura can now enjoy with her daughter thanks to the help she did receive.

This is Laura’s story - a story about reflection and rebuilding - and it isn’t one to miss.

After a blissful experience with her first son, it never occurred to Jess that a subsequent pregnancy and postpartum could be any different - until she found out she was pregnant with twins.

From real and perceived health complications, Jess’s mental health rapidly declined with every intrusive thought and compulsion that took over her life. The increased caretaking demands of parenting multiples and a toddler only compounded the feeling that she wasn’t enough for her children. Despite being cared for by the local acute mental health team, Jess started to experience hallucinations and psychosis.

This is one mother’s heart-wrenching story that epitomises the painful realities of experiencing a perinatal mental illness: of your children being both your motivation to get better and your trigger; of wanting to keep your children safe but feeling unsafe in your own body and mind; and of wanting the best for your children but feeling like they’re better off without you.

This is Jess’s story. And it isn’t a story to miss.

When Tessa was admitted to a mother-and-baby psychiatric unit during pregnancy, she made her unborn baby a promise that they’d never have to return. Unfortunately, the challenges of early postpartum and the pressures of perfection only compounded until she and her new born son were readmitted to her ‘little safe haven’ the MBU - not once, but twice.

This is one mother’s captivating story about finally accepting the need for additional support in its many forms, about letting go of shame and guilt, about coming to terms with a new diagnosis, and about the life-saving impacts that a quality care team can make.

Above all, this is Tessa’s story about looking back and seeing just how far she’s actually come.

After her dream physiological labour and birth, Amelia’s world was turned upside by a sudden postpartum haemorrhage that whisked her away from her husband and daughter.

From the moment she awoke from the surgery, Amelia was consumed by mania and insomnia. Over the next eight weeks, her postpartum psychosis escalated but Amelia was able to hide most of her delusions and hallucinations from her care providers. That is until finally she made the brave call to ask for help and present to her local hospital.

Three years on, Amelia is expecting baby number two and shares openly about all the supports that are in place to protect her mental health this time around - given the 50% chance of recurrence.

Join me as Amelia discusses the overall lack of awareness around postpartum psychosis, her initial misdiagnosis of PTSD, what worked for her and what didn’t, and the incredible support she did eventually receive.

Please note, this episode mentions suicidal ideation. Go gently.

Birth trauma permeated much of Claire’s story and it impacted her mental and physical health in ways she could never have imagined. This was only exacerbated by the border closures and a tumultuous feeding journey.

‘Failure to thrive’ was a label that was applied to her son, but ultimately became a label she applied to herself.

In this episode, Claire @mamahood.my.way talks about the anxiety and paralysis she felt when trying to conceive, a PTSD and Lupus diagnosis, a birth debrief with her hospital team to make sense of her experience, the power of reconnecting with herself, and the joy of her family finally meeting her son after more than a year of border closures.

This is Claire’s incredible story of learning what it means to thrive as a mother and empowering others to do the same - however that looks!

Please note, the episode discusses birth trauma. Go gently.

I really didn't think I'd be back here behind the microphone telling my own story again. I didn't think I'd have anything to share because I had many hopes that things would be different this time. I hoped that I would be different this time.

But here we are.

For many reasons, for so many of us, pregnancy is not always the most joyful time of our lives. Logically, we know it's temporary, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier. And I know I'm not the only one to hold conflicting emotions about pregnancy, both joy and anguish, love and dread, hope and fear.

I hope by me sharing, this reaches someone who needs it.

Join me in this episode where I'll share the story of my second pregnancy so far, how it's been similar and different to my first, my fears as I approach the third trimester and birth, and the support systems that are currently in place or planned to help me through.

Thank you for once again holding space for me.

When Ashlee entered motherhood, she expected the transition to be easy from her many years of working with children. What she didn’t expect was the severe anxiety she experienced in her first pregnancy or the depression that overshadowed her postpartum. As a perinatal and infant mental health psychologist, she also didn’t expect to miss her own red flags.

Sleep, feeding, and health complications with her daughter also diverted any attention away from Ashlee’s wellbeing, and left her blaming motherhood and expecting her mental health to get better only when circumstances improved. Ashlee finally reached out for support and even moved cities for a fresh start, but two weeks later, she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her son.

This is Ashlee’s phenomenal story - about the benefit of hindsight, about grieving her first postpartum, about navigating motherhood with a diagnosis of autism, about the importance of being listened to, about seeking psychological help as a psychologist, about the challenge motherhood caused to her identity, about the difficulty in deciphering the difference between mental ill health and the ‘normal’ challenges of motherhood, about redefining what a ‘village’ means, about rejecting the shame of taking medication, about overcoming depression and having faith that things will get better, about learning to look inwards, and about embracing her own humanness.

Expect to be blown away when listening to this episode.

You can find Ashlee on Instagram at wells_psychology where she raises awareness about perinatal and women’s mental health. Please note, this episode discusses the lived experience of anxiety, depression and an unwanted, unexpected, pregnancy. Go gently.

With a background in child development psychology and extensive experience working with thousands of babies, Siobhan was, what she thought, going to be off to a running start in motherhood.

That was until she was confronted by a traumatic birth and intense sleep deprivation at the height of the pandemic lockdowns.

Siobhan’s sense of self was challenged and her first postpartum experience was overshadowed by chronic anxiety and depression. With the development of hallucinations and suicidal ideation, Siobhan’s mental health deteriorated until she became unrecognisable to those who knew and loved her.

In this poignant and relatable episode, Siobhan talks about everything that helped her see the light and gave her confidence to expand her family: from occupational therapy, medication, a social worker, a birth debrief, and formal postpartum planning, to her ultimate outlet, running.

I thank Siobhan from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience so openly, and I welcome everyone to listen to the incredible insights that this inspirational woman has learnt along the way.

This isn’t an episode to miss. Run, don’t walk!

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

‘Are you feeding your baby?’ These are the words that confronted ICU nurse, Elyse, at a week postpartum when she was told that, despite her strict three-hour feeding regime, her newborn son was starving. In her words, the subsequent diagnosis of breast hyperplasia / insufficient glandular tissue (IGT) caused her world to come crashing down.

Elyse tried everything to increase her supply, but was left crying and pumping for over six hours a day while enviously watching the bond between Patrick and her husband blossom. Unfortunately, her mental health continued to deteriorate even after she stopped pushing herself to her absolute limits. From grief about her experience to bouts of rage, Elyse kept dreaming about running away.

That is until, finally, a nurse at a residential stay recognised that Elyse needed more support. The trajectory of her postpartum turned around because of this, and soon after, she even welcomed twins!

This is one woman’s breath-taking story about letting go: letting go of the pressure to breastfeed, letting go of pumping, letting go of recording every moment in a baby app, letting go of self-blame, letting go of resisting help, and letting go of control. This is Elyse’s story.

When Sarah was discharged from the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital, she felt both refreshed and proud. Her recovery from postpartum anxiety and OCD became a badge of honour.

But that wasn’t the end of Sarah’s story with maternal mental ill health. Severe depression, a medication change, a presentation to the emergency department, and a second and third MBU admission filled pages of a book she thought she had already closed.

Join me for part two of Sarah’s story as she is once again forced to confront the way she sees mental health, recovery, and herself, and where she grapples with both the relief and shame around being a ‘frequent flyer’ of the psychiatric hospital.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidality and suicidal ideation. Go gently.

We’re all familiar with the adage ‘healing isn’t linear’ but we don’t often talk about the way a non-linear recovery ambushes the way we see, and feel about, ourselves.

This attack on her perceived sense of self is something Sarah was continuously forced to confront with every lapse that she encountered on her recovery from postpartum anxiety, OCD, and depression.

Postpartum progressively broke down any deep-rooted misconceptions Sarah held about mental health and slowly challenged the unspoken belief that our worth is inherently tied to the ups and downs of our recovery.

From starting medication to being admitted to the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital for the first time, this is part one of Sarah’s incredibly touching and insightful story.

As a psychologist, Gen was familiar with psychiatric wards, but with no history of mental ill health or any risk factors she certainly never expected to be on the ‘other side’ - admitted as a patient to an acute ward shortly after the birth of her son, Arlo.

Following a relatively smooth pregnancy and delivery, Gen’s early postpartum was fraught with mastitis and the eventual development of sepsis. However, the life-threatening infection was surpassed by the rapid decline in Gen’s mental health, with warping clocks and the belief that she was famous, among many other delusions and hallucinations that unexpectedly took hold.

From pacing the halls of a public psych ward for hours to contributing to the design of one of the new public MBUs in Sydney, this is Gen’s story of overcoming her own internal stigma, advocating for better models of care in mental health wards, and the love of her partner, Lizz, who picked up on the red flags when no one else could.

With a history of anxiety and depression, Jess and her care team went into pregnancy with a plan to protect her mental health during postpartum. Unfortunately, serious and sudden medical diagnoses for her son, Jasper, immediately after birth meant Jess’s mental health was neglected amongst relentless surgeries, a two-month NICU admission, and full-time caretaking for a sick baby.

The NICU experience cast a long shadow over Jess’s motherhood journey, leaving behind a trail of self-blame, overwhelm, uncertainty, and doubt. Through the support of caring helpline staff, changing medication, making mum friends, a GP that took her seriously, and reclaiming her passions, this is the incredible story of one mother’s journey to come into her own light and to help other mothers know that they do not have to struggle alone.

Follow Jess on Instagram @jesscareywrites and visit her website https://jesscareywrites.com/ to find her collection of books about mental health for both children and adults.

Between a PCOS diagnosis, fertility struggles, and several rounds of IVF, it was not easy for Emma to bring her three boys into the world. Unfortunately, trying to conceive was only part of the mental and emotional battles she faced.

Serious health complications in pregnancy, antenatal anxiety, guilt about not loving pregnancy, and a traumatic birth with her first son, only compounded the mental health struggles that Emma was already facing from years of infertility. By the time her second son was born, Emma’s anxiety was tipped over the edge processing her grandmother’s passing and by an accident that nearly claimed the lives of her husband and son.

From an MBU admission to cutting the ribbon at the opening of Sydney’s newest public MBU, this is the breath-taking story of one woman’s determination to prioritise her own healing and to shape the healing of all women who may one day walk the same path. Emma’s story is as incredible as she is.

Please note, this episode details the lived experience of infertility, miscarriages, and IVF. Go gently.

When mum-of-two and mental health peer worker, Taegan, was first diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder, she didn’t believe motherhood and her mental illness would mix. So in the lead up to starting a family, Taegan spent years preparing, learning, getting second opinions, asking questions, and researching - everything she thought to best navigate motherhood with her diagnosis.

After a manageable pregnancy and postpartum with her first daughter, Taegan expected herself to navigate any challenges that could arise with a second baby in the same way. Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared Taegan for a surprise postpartum depression diagnosis followed by an involuntary admission to a psychiatric hospital - four hours away from her daughters.

I thank @nurture_by_taegan for sharing so openly about the unpredictability of navigating pregnancy and motherhood with a pre-existing mental health diagnosis - from postpartum rage TMS, medication, mixed opinions from health professionals, societal misconceptions about mental ill health, and relapse prevention, to the power of self-compassion along the way.

Like many mothers, Sarah from The Pesky Placenta Society struggled to decipher whether her pregnancy symptoms were ‘normal’ or something more sinister. But with a pre-existing chronic illness, Sarah also had to confront her complicated relationship with health anxiety. Unfortunately, the concerns she raised were proven to be more than ‘just anxiety’ when at 35 weeks pregnant, Sarah nearly died from pre-eclampsia - or what she refers to as “her pesky placenta”.

This is a story about the challenges of navigating both mental ill health and physical ill health in pregnancy; about fighting to be believed and to believe yourself; about the trauma that comes with nearly dying during what is supposed to be the happiest time of your life; about the struggles of bonding with your baby when your brain tells you that mothering is a barrier to your healing; and about the power of pre-emptive planning to protect your mental health. Most importantly, it is a story about hope that with the right support, things will get better.

This is Sarah’s story.

As Jade says, she has never shied away from sharing uncomfortable stories, and her story of bringing a baby earthside is no exception. While the birth of her daughter, River, seemingly gave her the ‘happy ending’ she so desperately wanted, her journey with uncomfortable stories did not end there.

Instead of the new-born bubble she envisioned for so long, Jade had to walk on eggshells around her baby who constantly screamed. The magnitude of her grief and anxiety was only compounded by River’s colic, causing a ‘crash’ that shattered her nervous system. After three years of back-to-back experiences with an ectopic pregnancy, baby loss, and miscarriage, Jade had nothing left to give.

It was Jade’s mother-in-law who read between the lines of a text message and flew down the same day to take Jade to the doctors to ensure she finally started to receive the help she needed.

I invite you to join me in this episode as Jade shares her truth and the purpose she has found in her pain - featuring grief, anxiety, depression, colic, talk therapy, and medication, as well as the many connections she has made along the way that have held her with love during this journey. I thank Jade from the bottom of my heart for shining a light on the uncomfortable stories we often keep to ourselves.

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss and mentions TFMR. You can find Jade @heart.of.harper on Instagram where she raises awareness, educates, and holds space for the uncomfortable experiences that can come with conceiving a baby and life after loss.

When Helen, a midwife and academic, describes her mental health in pregnancy and postpartum, she uses the word ‘blindsided’.

Despite her expertise, Helen was confronted by post-traumatic stress disorder following two traumatic pregnancies, a NICU admission, baby loss, grief, and the continued uncertainties of IVF. As a health clinician, she was also staggered by the prevalence and general lack of awareness of psychological trauma in the perinatal period.

In this episode, Helen takes us on her painful journey of trauma through pregnancy and postpartum, to her subsequent research and advocacy as a result of her experiences. We also discuss the importance of language in this space, post-traumatic growth, grief, stereotypes, trigger warnings, trauma-informed care, and art therapy.

I thank Helen from the bottom of my heart for sharing her story so candidly.

You can find Helen on Instagram as @reallifemidwife where she uses her platform to raise awareness, validate, and educate us all about perinatal psychological trauma (and where she occasionally creates reels of herself in Grey’s Anatomy cast photos).

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss. If you are able to listen, I welcome you to join me in ‘sitting in the shit’ with Helen.

In this episode, I welcome Jade who shares her ongoing journey with mental ill health - a journey which is both three years old but new at the same time. After the birth of her son and the subsequent sleep deprivation, Jade’s mental health declined and she was (mis)diagnosed with postpartum depression. Despite proactively and consistently seeking support from several psychologists and trying multiple anti-depressants across three years, Jade was still experiencing depressive episodes while all the mothers in her online community were in the enviable stages of recovery. With the persistence of a very supportive friend, Jade finally reached out to a perinatal psychiatrist. Within 15 minutes of that first appointment, Jade received the correct diagnosis which came with a whole new treatment plan, a referral to the perfect psychologist (finally!), and of course a whole lot of grief.