It’s nearly impossible to think about Chloe’s story without thinking about all the places where she navigated the worst of her anxiety and melancholic depression: the hospital where she was left parenting in a traumatised body after a retained placenta; the inner-city Sydney suburb where, shockingly, she could not access any maternity support services; her in-law’s house on the other side of Sydney where she moved to create a village but could not sleep; and the local esplanade where she pushed the pram and fought against her suicidal ideation every day. That’s not even mentioning the emergency department, the short-stay psychiatric emergency care unit, and eventually the mother-and-baby hospital (MBU) where she was admitted for two months, all of which were integral to her story.

In each setting, Chloe not only faced unenviable symptoms, but she also had to confront her own unwillingness to ask for help, the lies depression made her believe, her own trauma around electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), and the question many MBU mothers grapple with ‘when will it finally be my turn to go home?’

This is Chloe’s profound story, what she calls her real reckoning and dark night of the soul, that explores the realities of experiencing and recovering from an acute mental health episode in early motherhood. It’s a story about losing and finding yourself again in the most unexpected of places, but above all, it’s a story about finally coming home.

Please note, this episode touches on suicide and suicidal ideation. Go gently.

With a family history of postpartum depression, Chloe thought she knew what signs and symptoms to look out for when it came to perinatal mental illness. But, as she says, she didn’t know about the ‘opposite side’.

Immediately after birth, Chloe couldn’t sleep, and within five days, she was experiencing a psychotic episode - or what she calls, ‘the crash’. Like clockwork, the same thing happened within five days of her second birth.

In this episode, Tassie mum of two, Chloe, vividly recounts the insomnia, euphoria, mania, hallucinations, and delusions that consumed her early postpartum days, as well as the crippling and juxtaposing depression that unfortunately followed her second episode.

Above all, Chloe takes me on a journey through the aftermath of her experiences: the loneliness she felt, the need to make sense of what happened, discovering her new ‘normal’, fostering support and connections, the trial-and-error that comes with recovery, and all the ways she is determinedly trying to make peace with it all.

This is Chloe’s not-to-be-missed story about the highs and lows (and everything in between) of parenting and surviving postpartum psychosis.

Sarah put on a brave face for the first three months of Isla's life but behind closed doors, the all-consuming anxiety was only getting worse. It wasn't until her husband was home over Christmas that she could no longer hide the severity of the illness and she finally said 'I need serious help'.

Many things stand out to me about Sarah's story: the pervasive anxiety that invaded her early postpartum experience; the insomnia and inability to switch off that added to her stress; the eventual depression that overwhelmed her capacity to cope; and the challenges she faced navigating an unfamiliar mental health system.

But what stands out to me the most about Sarah's story is Sarah herself and her willingness to find and accept the right support. From joining Facebook groups to connecting with a social worker, from writing to inpatient MBU stays, from in-home support to unlikely friendships with those who have walked this path before us, and more, this is a powerful story about one mother's determination to feel connected to her daughter once more.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

I really didn't think I'd be back here behind the microphone telling my own story again. I didn't think I'd have anything to share because I had many hopes that things would be different this time. I hoped that I would be different this time.

But here we are.

For many reasons, for so many of us, pregnancy is not always the most joyful time of our lives. Logically, we know it's temporary, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier. And I know I'm not the only one to hold conflicting emotions about pregnancy, both joy and anguish, love and dread, hope and fear.

I hope by me sharing, this reaches someone who needs it.

Join me in this episode where I'll share the story of my second pregnancy so far, how it's been similar and different to my first, my fears as I approach the third trimester and birth, and the support systems that are currently in place or planned to help me through.

Thank you for once again holding space for me.

As Jade says, she has never shied away from sharing uncomfortable stories, and her story of bringing a baby earthside is no exception. While the birth of her daughter, River, seemingly gave her the ‘happy ending’ she so desperately wanted, her journey with uncomfortable stories did not end there.

Instead of the new-born bubble she envisioned for so long, Jade had to walk on eggshells around her baby who constantly screamed. The magnitude of her grief and anxiety was only compounded by River’s colic, causing a ‘crash’ that shattered her nervous system. After three years of back-to-back experiences with an ectopic pregnancy, baby loss, and miscarriage, Jade had nothing left to give.

It was Jade’s mother-in-law who read between the lines of a text message and flew down the same day to take Jade to the doctors to ensure she finally started to receive the help she needed.

I invite you to join me in this episode as Jade shares her truth and the purpose she has found in her pain - featuring grief, anxiety, depression, colic, talk therapy, and medication, as well as the many connections she has made along the way that have held her with love during this journey. I thank Jade from the bottom of my heart for shining a light on the uncomfortable stories we often keep to ourselves.

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss and mentions TFMR. You can find Jade @heart.of.harper on Instagram where she raises awareness, educates, and holds space for the uncomfortable experiences that can come with conceiving a baby and life after loss.

In this episode, I welcome Jade who shares her ongoing journey with mental ill health - a journey which is both three years old but new at the same time. After the birth of her son and the subsequent sleep deprivation, Jade’s mental health declined and she was (mis)diagnosed with postpartum depression. Despite proactively and consistently seeking support from several psychologists and trying multiple anti-depressants across three years, Jade was still experiencing depressive episodes while all the mothers in her online community were in the enviable stages of recovery. With the persistence of a very supportive friend, Jade finally reached out to a perinatal psychiatrist. Within 15 minutes of that first appointment, Jade received the correct diagnosis which came with a whole new treatment plan, a referral to the perfect psychologist (finally!), and of course a whole lot of grief.

I spent most of my life imagining motherhood. I couldn't imagine anything else - not a career, not travel, not study - just motherhood. What I didn't imagine, however, was a mental breakdown that sent me to a psychiatric ward only days after my son's birth.

Join me as I share part two of my story where I talk about how my postpartum unfolded in all the ways I could never have imagined.

With a long history of anxiety, I had every intention of not letting anxiety get in the way of birth and parenting. In fact, I spent most of my pregnancy doing everything I thought was ‘right’ to plan and protect my mental health in postpartum. Unfortunately, I was so focused on postpartum that I couldn’t see the anxiety escalating throughout my pregnancy.