With a background in child development psychology and extensive experience working with thousands of babies, Siobhan was, what she thought, going to be off to a running start in motherhood.

That was until she was confronted by a traumatic birth and intense sleep deprivation at the height of the pandemic lockdowns.

Siobhan’s sense of self was challenged and her first postpartum experience was overshadowed by chronic anxiety and depression. With the development of hallucinations and suicidal ideation, Siobhan’s mental health deteriorated until she became unrecognisable to those who knew and loved her.

In this poignant and relatable episode, Siobhan talks about everything that helped her see the light and gave her confidence to expand her family: from occupational therapy, medication, a social worker, a birth debrief, and formal postpartum planning, to her ultimate outlet, running.

I thank Siobhan from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience so openly, and I welcome everyone to listen to the incredible insights that this inspirational woman has learnt along the way.

This isn’t an episode to miss. Run, don’t walk!

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

‘Are you feeding your baby?’ These are the words that confronted ICU nurse, Elyse, at a week postpartum when she was told that, despite her strict three-hour feeding regime, her newborn son was starving. In her words, the subsequent diagnosis of breast hyperplasia / insufficient glandular tissue (IGT) caused her world to come crashing down.

Elyse tried everything to increase her supply, but was left crying and pumping for over six hours a day while enviously watching the bond between Patrick and her husband blossom. Unfortunately, her mental health continued to deteriorate even after she stopped pushing herself to her absolute limits. From grief about her experience to bouts of rage, Elyse kept dreaming about running away.

That is until, finally, a nurse at a residential stay recognised that Elyse needed more support. The trajectory of her postpartum turned around because of this, and soon after, she even welcomed twins!

This is one woman’s breath-taking story about letting go: letting go of the pressure to breastfeed, letting go of pumping, letting go of recording every moment in a baby app, letting go of self-blame, letting go of resisting help, and letting go of control. This is Elyse’s story.

I spent most of my life imagining motherhood. I couldn't imagine anything else - not a career, not travel, not study - just motherhood. What I didn't imagine, however, was a mental breakdown that sent me to a psychiatric ward only days after my son's birth.

Join me as I share part two of my story where I talk about how my postpartum unfolded in all the ways I could never have imagined.