Whenever Kristy struggled with anxiety or depression in the past, she coped by keeping herself busy. Even when she endured years and years of IVF and ICSI, she coped by keeping herself busy. But when she experienced birth trauma and a sudden decline in her mental health during postpartum, none of her previous coping mechanisms could be relied on.

Instead of throwing herself into exercising three times a day, working on weekends, starting projects, learning a new skill, doing puzzles, building Lego, or reading, Kristy was confronted by the stillness of motherhood. Then, after nine months of depression, culminating in suicidal ideation, Kristy went to her GP for help, where she was confronted by an unexpected, but enlightening, diagnosis: ADHD.

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, Kristy shares the many ways she is managing her ADHD and mental health in motherhood, while reflecting on the lessons she has learnt along her journey and celebrating all the friends who have helped her every step of the way.

If you’re an older mum, if you’re a mum who has undergone fertility treatments, if you’re a mum with a history of anxiety or depression, if you’re a mum who is navigating ADHD in motherhood, or if you’re just an all-round awesome human being, then this episode is for you.

It’s nearly impossible to think about Chloe’s story without thinking about all the places where she navigated the worst of her anxiety and melancholic depression: the hospital where she was left parenting in a traumatised body after a retained placenta; the inner-city Sydney suburb where, shockingly, she could not access any maternity support services; her in-law’s house on the other side of Sydney where she moved to create a village but could not sleep; and the local esplanade where she pushed the pram and fought against her suicidal ideation every day. That’s not even mentioning the emergency department, the short-stay psychiatric emergency care unit, and eventually the mother-and-baby hospital (MBU) where she was admitted for two months, all of which were integral to her story.

In each setting, Chloe not only faced unenviable symptoms, but she also had to confront her own unwillingness to ask for help, the lies depression made her believe, her own trauma around electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), and the question many MBU mothers grapple with ‘when will it finally be my turn to go home?’

This is Chloe’s profound story, what she calls her real reckoning and dark night of the soul, that explores the realities of experiencing and recovering from an acute mental health episode in early motherhood. It’s a story about losing and finding yourself again in the most unexpected of places, but above all, it’s a story about finally coming home.

Please note, this episode touches on suicide and suicidal ideation. Go gently.

Dayna’s story really gives meaning to the phrase one thing after another.

When she birthed her son, there was no golden hour or newborn bubble, which is something she’s still grieving. Instead, there was an emergency c-section, a dystonic reaction, mistreatment from hospital staff, over 30 hours of separation from her baby, and a special care nursery admission, not to mention flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks, rage, and hypervigilance.

More curveballs only compounded this trauma in the form of dysphoric milk ejection reflex (D-MER), ongoing physical pain, cow’s milk protein allergy, a six-month waitlist to see a psychologist, and returning to work at a hospital.

The mental health impacts of birth trauma are real, and Dayna articulates this with such vulnerability and insight - and a bit of humour too. Through this conversation, she tells a story about parallels and contradictions, about mothering with trauma, about how her work as a nurse both helped and complicated her experience, and about the unforgettable experiences that will stay with her for a long time - for both the right and wrong reasons.

This episode will make you feel every emotion - one after another, after another.

Sarah put on a brave face for the first three months of Isla's life but behind closed doors, the all-consuming anxiety was only getting worse. It wasn't until her husband was home over Christmas that she could no longer hide the severity of the illness and she finally said 'I need serious help'.

Many things stand out to me about Sarah's story: the pervasive anxiety that invaded her early postpartum experience; the insomnia and inability to switch off that added to her stress; the eventual depression that overwhelmed her capacity to cope; and the challenges she faced navigating an unfamiliar mental health system.

But what stands out to me the most about Sarah's story is Sarah herself and her willingness to find and accept the right support. From joining Facebook groups to connecting with a social worker, from writing to inpatient MBU stays, from in-home support to unlikely friendships with those who have walked this path before us, and more, this is a powerful story about one mother's determination to feel connected to her daughter once more.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

OCD had been part of Emma’s life for many years, although she just didn’t know it. Like for so many of us, her life-long OCD wasn’t picked up on until early motherhood, after two miscarriages and the birth of a premature baby during a pandemic lockdown.

In Emma’s words, “it awoke the OCD beast.”

This is one mother’s poignant story about the pain of loss, of experiencing depression and an OCD crisis in motherhood, the resulting shame and anger that came with the diagnosis, and the all-too-familiar lengthy and financial barriers encountered when seeking support.

This is also one mother’s touching story about the very real power that radical acceptance, psychoeducation, writing, and community can have on the journey towards recovery and taming the ‘OCD beast’.

This is Emma’s story - of both power and pain, of acceptance and resistance, of isolation and community - and it’s a story that will stay with you for a long time.

Please note, this episode discusses miscarriage, molar pregnancy, the loss of a loved one, suicidal ideation, and termination of pregnancy. Go gently.

After experiencing birth trauma and the isolation of becoming a first-time mother during the pandemic, Laura was both excited and determined that her next pregnancy, birth, and postpartum was going to be different. The experience with her daughter, Millie, was going to be her ‘redo’.

Unfortunately for Laura, re-experiencing fetal growth restriction (IUGR) and a precipitous labour broke her. Flashbacks, insomnia, panic attacks, and depression immediately hijacked her second postpartum and left her feeling more hopeless and alone than ever before - an undoing, rather than a redoing.

As Millie turns one, Laura and I sit down to reflect on the year that was: the pervasive way that birth trauma impacts our parenting, the incredible and not-so-incredible supports that Laura was able to lean on, the challenges of navigating a mental health system that’s not neatly designed to accommodate the logistics of parenting an older child, and the moments Laura can now enjoy with her daughter thanks to the help she did receive.

This is Laura’s story - a story about reflection and rebuilding - and it isn’t one to miss.

After a blissful experience with her first son, it never occurred to Jess that a subsequent pregnancy and postpartum could be any different - until she found out she was pregnant with twins.

From real and perceived health complications, Jess’s mental health rapidly declined with every intrusive thought and compulsion that took over her life. The increased caretaking demands of parenting multiples and a toddler only compounded the feeling that she wasn’t enough for her children. Despite being cared for by the local acute mental health team, Jess started to experience hallucinations and psychosis.

This is one mother’s heart-wrenching story that epitomises the painful realities of experiencing a perinatal mental illness: of your children being both your motivation to get better and your trigger; of wanting to keep your children safe but feeling unsafe in your own body and mind; and of wanting the best for your children but feeling like they’re better off without you.

This is Jess’s story. And it isn’t a story to miss.

As a midwife with zero history of mental ill health, Caitlin didn’t expect to develop severe postpartum depression and anxiety at all, let alone after the birth of her second child.

She certainly didn’t expect to be wheeled through the same hospital where she worked down to the psychiatric ward for an eight-week admission.

And of course she never expected that electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) would be part of her story to treat her treatment-resistant depression.

In this poignant episode, Caitlin takes us on her unexpected journey of experiencing mental ill health for the first time in motherhood, of navigating the unfamiliar mental health system to receive the right diagnosis and treatment, and of confronting nearly every taboo of mental health along the way.

Finally, Caitlin recalls the special moment when she ‘saw the light’, when she no longer felt worthless, and when she felt a glimmer of hope again - which, after everything she went through, was something she never truly expected to feel again.

This isn’t an episode to miss.

You can connect with Caitlin on Instagram at beneaththepalms_midwifery where she draws on her own experiences to advocate for her pregnant and postpartum patients in Cairns, Queensland.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidality. Go gently.

This is a story that begins in November 2022 when I received a message from a new mum who wanted nothing more than to change the trajectory of her motherhood story.

This is a story about a mum who’d just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, who was experiencing vivid intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, and who couldn’t stop crying.

This is a story about a mum who made the move back to rural NSW to be closer to her family for support, but who was now struggling to find the right professional support for herself.

This is a story about a mum who advocated so hard for herself so she could finally say ‘that’s not my story anymore’.

This is Jessie’s story.

Birth trauma permeated much of Claire’s story and it impacted her mental and physical health in ways she could never have imagined. This was only exacerbated by the border closures and a tumultuous feeding journey.

‘Failure to thrive’ was a label that was applied to her son, but ultimately became a label she applied to herself.

In this episode, Claire @mamahood.my.way talks about the anxiety and paralysis she felt when trying to conceive, a PTSD and Lupus diagnosis, a birth debrief with her hospital team to make sense of her experience, the power of reconnecting with herself, and the joy of her family finally meeting her son after more than a year of border closures.

This is Claire’s incredible story of learning what it means to thrive as a mother and empowering others to do the same - however that looks!

Please note, the episode discusses birth trauma. Go gently.

I really didn't think I'd be back here behind the microphone telling my own story again. I didn't think I'd have anything to share because I had many hopes that things would be different this time. I hoped that I would be different this time.

But here we are.

For many reasons, for so many of us, pregnancy is not always the most joyful time of our lives. Logically, we know it's temporary, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier. And I know I'm not the only one to hold conflicting emotions about pregnancy, both joy and anguish, love and dread, hope and fear.

I hope by me sharing, this reaches someone who needs it.

Join me in this episode where I'll share the story of my second pregnancy so far, how it's been similar and different to my first, my fears as I approach the third trimester and birth, and the support systems that are currently in place or planned to help me through.

Thank you for once again holding space for me.

When Ashlee entered motherhood, she expected the transition to be easy from her many years of working with children. What she didn’t expect was the severe anxiety she experienced in her first pregnancy or the depression that overshadowed her postpartum. As a perinatal and infant mental health psychologist, she also didn’t expect to miss her own red flags.

Sleep, feeding, and health complications with her daughter also diverted any attention away from Ashlee’s wellbeing, and left her blaming motherhood and expecting her mental health to get better only when circumstances improved. Ashlee finally reached out for support and even moved cities for a fresh start, but two weeks later, she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her son.

This is Ashlee’s phenomenal story - about the benefit of hindsight, about grieving her first postpartum, about navigating motherhood with a diagnosis of autism, about the importance of being listened to, about seeking psychological help as a psychologist, about the challenge motherhood caused to her identity, about the difficulty in deciphering the difference between mental ill health and the ‘normal’ challenges of motherhood, about redefining what a ‘village’ means, about rejecting the shame of taking medication, about overcoming depression and having faith that things will get better, about learning to look inwards, and about embracing her own humanness.

Expect to be blown away when listening to this episode.

You can find Ashlee on Instagram at wells_psychology where she raises awareness about perinatal and women’s mental health. Please note, this episode discusses the lived experience of anxiety, depression and an unwanted, unexpected, pregnancy. Go gently.

With a background in child development psychology and extensive experience working with thousands of babies, Siobhan was, what she thought, going to be off to a running start in motherhood.

That was until she was confronted by a traumatic birth and intense sleep deprivation at the height of the pandemic lockdowns.

Siobhan’s sense of self was challenged and her first postpartum experience was overshadowed by chronic anxiety and depression. With the development of hallucinations and suicidal ideation, Siobhan’s mental health deteriorated until she became unrecognisable to those who knew and loved her.

In this poignant and relatable episode, Siobhan talks about everything that helped her see the light and gave her confidence to expand her family: from occupational therapy, medication, a social worker, a birth debrief, and formal postpartum planning, to her ultimate outlet, running.

I thank Siobhan from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience so openly, and I welcome everyone to listen to the incredible insights that this inspirational woman has learnt along the way.

This isn’t an episode to miss. Run, don’t walk!

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

‘Are you feeding your baby?’ These are the words that confronted ICU nurse, Elyse, at a week postpartum when she was told that, despite her strict three-hour feeding regime, her newborn son was starving. In her words, the subsequent diagnosis of breast hyperplasia / insufficient glandular tissue (IGT) caused her world to come crashing down.

Elyse tried everything to increase her supply, but was left crying and pumping for over six hours a day while enviously watching the bond between Patrick and her husband blossom. Unfortunately, her mental health continued to deteriorate even after she stopped pushing herself to her absolute limits. From grief about her experience to bouts of rage, Elyse kept dreaming about running away.

That is until, finally, a nurse at a residential stay recognised that Elyse needed more support. The trajectory of her postpartum turned around because of this, and soon after, she even welcomed twins!

This is one woman’s breath-taking story about letting go: letting go of the pressure to breastfeed, letting go of pumping, letting go of recording every moment in a baby app, letting go of self-blame, letting go of resisting help, and letting go of control. This is Elyse’s story.

In this episode, I’m joined by Gemma - a recovering perfectionist, accredited social worker, perinatal counsellor, podcast host of @postpartumlikeaboss, and mum-of-two. From the moment she fell pregnant, Gemma experienced an immediate sense of identity loss and anxiety that lasted until postpartum.

While the anxiety and unknowns disappeared after birth, the relentlessness and challenges of early motherhood left Gemma at her lowest. Despite experiencing mental ill health in the past, Gemma found the transition to motherhood to be harder and riddled with more guilt because of the expectations to feel joy and fulfilment.

Finding and accessing support was also hard for Gemma, but thanks to the help of the PANDA hotline, her somatic therapist, and the sense of identity she reclaimed by returning to work and exercising, Gemma slowly found her groove in motherhood. Even more than this, she decided to retrain as a perinatal counsellor to be able to provide the same support for others knowing how life changing it had been for her.

Join me in this episode as Gemma and I discuss mum guilt, the barriers to support, the shame that comes from not loving every moment of motherhood, and the importance of finding the right fit when it comes to therapy. This isn’t an episode to miss.

When Sarah was discharged from the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital, she felt both refreshed and proud. Her recovery from postpartum anxiety and OCD became a badge of honour.

But that wasn’t the end of Sarah’s story with maternal mental ill health. Severe depression, a medication change, a presentation to the emergency department, and a second and third MBU admission filled pages of a book she thought she had already closed.

Join me for part two of Sarah’s story as she is once again forced to confront the way she sees mental health, recovery, and herself, and where she grapples with both the relief and shame around being a ‘frequent flyer’ of the psychiatric hospital.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidality and suicidal ideation. Go gently.

We’re all familiar with the adage ‘healing isn’t linear’ but we don’t often talk about the way a non-linear recovery ambushes the way we see, and feel about, ourselves.

This attack on her perceived sense of self is something Sarah was continuously forced to confront with every lapse that she encountered on her recovery from postpartum anxiety, OCD, and depression.

Postpartum progressively broke down any deep-rooted misconceptions Sarah held about mental health and slowly challenged the unspoken belief that our worth is inherently tied to the ups and downs of our recovery.

From starting medication to being admitted to the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital for the first time, this is part one of Sarah’s incredibly touching and insightful story.

Monique’s birth may have been quick, but its complications and long-term impacts were anything but. From a 3rd degree tear, prolapse, severe postpartum haemorrhage, partial levator avulsion, a near death experience, and a stay in the ICU, she paints a picture of the pain from her birth trauma and postpartum PTSD as a ‘storm’ - one that she is still weathering.

But thanks to talk therapy with her long-time psychologist, self-compassion, group therapy through the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (ABTA), and the support of her husband, it’s no longer a storm that she is weathering alone.

Join me in this episode to hold space for Monique’s incredibly moving story that shines a gut-wrenching light on birth trauma and why it matters. Please note, this episode vividly describes the experience and impact of physical and psychological trauma - go gently.

With a history of anxiety and depression, Jess and her care team went into pregnancy with a plan to protect her mental health during postpartum. Unfortunately, serious and sudden medical diagnoses for her son, Jasper, immediately after birth meant Jess’s mental health was neglected amongst relentless surgeries, a two-month NICU admission, and full-time caretaking for a sick baby.

The NICU experience cast a long shadow over Jess’s motherhood journey, leaving behind a trail of self-blame, overwhelm, uncertainty, and doubt. Through the support of caring helpline staff, changing medication, making mum friends, a GP that took her seriously, and reclaiming her passions, this is the incredible story of one mother’s journey to come into her own light and to help other mothers know that they do not have to struggle alone.

Follow Jess on Instagram @jesscareywrites and visit her website https://jesscareywrites.com/ to find her collection of books about mental health for both children and adults.

Between a PCOS diagnosis, fertility struggles, and several rounds of IVF, it was not easy for Emma to bring her three boys into the world. Unfortunately, trying to conceive was only part of the mental and emotional battles she faced.

Serious health complications in pregnancy, antenatal anxiety, guilt about not loving pregnancy, and a traumatic birth with her first son, only compounded the mental health struggles that Emma was already facing from years of infertility. By the time her second son was born, Emma’s anxiety was tipped over the edge processing her grandmother’s passing and by an accident that nearly claimed the lives of her husband and son.

From an MBU admission to cutting the ribbon at the opening of Sydney’s newest public MBU, this is the breath-taking story of one woman’s determination to prioritise her own healing and to shape the healing of all women who may one day walk the same path. Emma’s story is as incredible as she is.

Please note, this episode details the lived experience of infertility, miscarriages, and IVF. Go gently.