When Ariane became a mother, it wasn’t just the sudden onset of delusions, hallucinations, and severe depression that haunted her early days of parenting. From body image triggers, the pervasive grip of perfectionism, the reluctance to seek help, and the fear of her son being forcibly removed, it was also Ariane’s complex history as a ballet dancer, case worker and registered psychologist that cast a long, dark shadow over her mental health in pregnancy and postpartum.

In this episode, I am joined by none other than Ariane Beeston, author of the newly released memoir Because I’m not Myself, You See, who so vulnerably revisits the ghosts of her past with me and who shares, with incredible insight, the realities of mental ill health as both a patient, former practitioner, and advocate.

This is part one of Ariane’s harrowing, albeit profound, story, that explores her formative years and early motherhood, up until the moment she realised she had to release the control she sought over her past and present in order to welcome recovery in the future.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation, and briefly mentions suicide and infanticide. Go gently.

OCD had been part of Emma’s life for many years, although she just didn’t know it. Like for so many of us, her life-long OCD wasn’t picked up on until early motherhood, after two miscarriages and the birth of a premature baby during a pandemic lockdown.

In Emma’s words, “it awoke the OCD beast.”

This is one mother’s poignant story about the pain of loss, of experiencing depression and an OCD crisis in motherhood, the resulting shame and anger that came with the diagnosis, and the all-too-familiar lengthy and financial barriers encountered when seeking support.

This is also one mother’s touching story about the very real power that radical acceptance, psychoeducation, writing, and community can have on the journey towards recovery and taming the ‘OCD beast’.

This is Emma’s story - of both power and pain, of acceptance and resistance, of isolation and community - and it’s a story that will stay with you for a long time.

Please note, this episode discusses miscarriage, molar pregnancy, the loss of a loved one, suicidal ideation, and termination of pregnancy. Go gently.

After experiencing birth trauma and the isolation of becoming a first-time mother during the pandemic, Laura was both excited and determined that her next pregnancy, birth, and postpartum was going to be different. The experience with her daughter, Millie, was going to be her ‘redo’.

Unfortunately for Laura, re-experiencing fetal growth restriction (IUGR) and a precipitous labour broke her. Flashbacks, insomnia, panic attacks, and depression immediately hijacked her second postpartum and left her feeling more hopeless and alone than ever before - an undoing, rather than a redoing.

As Millie turns one, Laura and I sit down to reflect on the year that was: the pervasive way that birth trauma impacts our parenting, the incredible and not-so-incredible supports that Laura was able to lean on, the challenges of navigating a mental health system that’s not neatly designed to accommodate the logistics of parenting an older child, and the moments Laura can now enjoy with her daughter thanks to the help she did receive.

This is Laura’s story - a story about reflection and rebuilding - and it isn’t one to miss.

As a midwife with zero history of mental ill health, Caitlin didn’t expect to develop severe postpartum depression and anxiety at all, let alone after the birth of her second child.

She certainly didn’t expect to be wheeled through the same hospital where she worked down to the psychiatric ward for an eight-week admission.

And of course she never expected that electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) would be part of her story to treat her treatment-resistant depression.

In this poignant episode, Caitlin takes us on her unexpected journey of experiencing mental ill health for the first time in motherhood, of navigating the unfamiliar mental health system to receive the right diagnosis and treatment, and of confronting nearly every taboo of mental health along the way.

Finally, Caitlin recalls the special moment when she ‘saw the light’, when she no longer felt worthless, and when she felt a glimmer of hope again - which, after everything she went through, was something she never truly expected to feel again.

This isn’t an episode to miss.

You can connect with Caitlin on Instagram at beneaththepalms_midwifery where she draws on her own experiences to advocate for her pregnant and postpartum patients in Cairns, Queensland.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidality. Go gently.

When Tessa was admitted to a mother-and-baby psychiatric unit during pregnancy, she made her unborn baby a promise that they’d never have to return. Unfortunately, the challenges of early postpartum and the pressures of perfection only compounded until she and her new born son were readmitted to her ‘little safe haven’ the MBU - not once, but twice.

This is one mother’s captivating story about finally accepting the need for additional support in its many forms, about letting go of shame and guilt, about coming to terms with a new diagnosis, and about the life-saving impacts that a quality care team can make.

Above all, this is Tessa’s story about looking back and seeing just how far she’s actually come.

This is a story that begins in November 2022 when I received a message from a new mum who wanted nothing more than to change the trajectory of her motherhood story.

This is a story about a mum who’d just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, who was experiencing vivid intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, and who couldn’t stop crying.

This is a story about a mum who made the move back to rural NSW to be closer to her family for support, but who was now struggling to find the right professional support for herself.

This is a story about a mum who advocated so hard for herself so she could finally say ‘that’s not my story anymore’.

This is Jessie’s story.

I really didn't think I'd be back here behind the microphone telling my own story again. I didn't think I'd have anything to share because I had many hopes that things would be different this time. I hoped that I would be different this time.

But here we are.

For many reasons, for so many of us, pregnancy is not always the most joyful time of our lives. Logically, we know it's temporary, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier. And I know I'm not the only one to hold conflicting emotions about pregnancy, both joy and anguish, love and dread, hope and fear.

I hope by me sharing, this reaches someone who needs it.

Join me in this episode where I'll share the story of my second pregnancy so far, how it's been similar and different to my first, my fears as I approach the third trimester and birth, and the support systems that are currently in place or planned to help me through.

Thank you for once again holding space for me.

When Ashlee entered motherhood, she expected the transition to be easy from her many years of working with children. What she didn’t expect was the severe anxiety she experienced in her first pregnancy or the depression that overshadowed her postpartum. As a perinatal and infant mental health psychologist, she also didn’t expect to miss her own red flags.

Sleep, feeding, and health complications with her daughter also diverted any attention away from Ashlee’s wellbeing, and left her blaming motherhood and expecting her mental health to get better only when circumstances improved. Ashlee finally reached out for support and even moved cities for a fresh start, but two weeks later, she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her son.

This is Ashlee’s phenomenal story - about the benefit of hindsight, about grieving her first postpartum, about navigating motherhood with a diagnosis of autism, about the importance of being listened to, about seeking psychological help as a psychologist, about the challenge motherhood caused to her identity, about the difficulty in deciphering the difference between mental ill health and the ‘normal’ challenges of motherhood, about redefining what a ‘village’ means, about rejecting the shame of taking medication, about overcoming depression and having faith that things will get better, about learning to look inwards, and about embracing her own humanness.

Expect to be blown away when listening to this episode.

You can find Ashlee on Instagram at wells_psychology where she raises awareness about perinatal and women’s mental health. Please note, this episode discusses the lived experience of anxiety, depression and an unwanted, unexpected, pregnancy. Go gently.

With a background in child development psychology and extensive experience working with thousands of babies, Siobhan was, what she thought, going to be off to a running start in motherhood.

That was until she was confronted by a traumatic birth and intense sleep deprivation at the height of the pandemic lockdowns.

Siobhan’s sense of self was challenged and her first postpartum experience was overshadowed by chronic anxiety and depression. With the development of hallucinations and suicidal ideation, Siobhan’s mental health deteriorated until she became unrecognisable to those who knew and loved her.

In this poignant and relatable episode, Siobhan talks about everything that helped her see the light and gave her confidence to expand her family: from occupational therapy, medication, a social worker, a birth debrief, and formal postpartum planning, to her ultimate outlet, running.

I thank Siobhan from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience so openly, and I welcome everyone to listen to the incredible insights that this inspirational woman has learnt along the way.

This isn’t an episode to miss. Run, don’t walk!

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

‘Are you feeding your baby?’ These are the words that confronted ICU nurse, Elyse, at a week postpartum when she was told that, despite her strict three-hour feeding regime, her newborn son was starving. In her words, the subsequent diagnosis of breast hyperplasia / insufficient glandular tissue (IGT) caused her world to come crashing down.

Elyse tried everything to increase her supply, but was left crying and pumping for over six hours a day while enviously watching the bond between Patrick and her husband blossom. Unfortunately, her mental health continued to deteriorate even after she stopped pushing herself to her absolute limits. From grief about her experience to bouts of rage, Elyse kept dreaming about running away.

That is until, finally, a nurse at a residential stay recognised that Elyse needed more support. The trajectory of her postpartum turned around because of this, and soon after, she even welcomed twins!

This is one woman’s breath-taking story about letting go: letting go of the pressure to breastfeed, letting go of pumping, letting go of recording every moment in a baby app, letting go of self-blame, letting go of resisting help, and letting go of control. This is Elyse’s story.

In this episode, I’m joined by Gemma - a recovering perfectionist, accredited social worker, perinatal counsellor, podcast host of @postpartumlikeaboss, and mum-of-two. From the moment she fell pregnant, Gemma experienced an immediate sense of identity loss and anxiety that lasted until postpartum.

While the anxiety and unknowns disappeared after birth, the relentlessness and challenges of early motherhood left Gemma at her lowest. Despite experiencing mental ill health in the past, Gemma found the transition to motherhood to be harder and riddled with more guilt because of the expectations to feel joy and fulfilment.

Finding and accessing support was also hard for Gemma, but thanks to the help of the PANDA hotline, her somatic therapist, and the sense of identity she reclaimed by returning to work and exercising, Gemma slowly found her groove in motherhood. Even more than this, she decided to retrain as a perinatal counsellor to be able to provide the same support for others knowing how life changing it had been for her.

Join me in this episode as Gemma and I discuss mum guilt, the barriers to support, the shame that comes from not loving every moment of motherhood, and the importance of finding the right fit when it comes to therapy. This isn’t an episode to miss.

When Sarah was discharged from the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital, she felt both refreshed and proud. Her recovery from postpartum anxiety and OCD became a badge of honour.

But that wasn’t the end of Sarah’s story with maternal mental ill health. Severe depression, a medication change, a presentation to the emergency department, and a second and third MBU admission filled pages of a book she thought she had already closed.

Join me for part two of Sarah’s story as she is once again forced to confront the way she sees mental health, recovery, and herself, and where she grapples with both the relief and shame around being a ‘frequent flyer’ of the psychiatric hospital.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidality and suicidal ideation. Go gently.

We’re all familiar with the adage ‘healing isn’t linear’ but we don’t often talk about the way a non-linear recovery ambushes the way we see, and feel about, ourselves.

This attack on her perceived sense of self is something Sarah was continuously forced to confront with every lapse that she encountered on her recovery from postpartum anxiety, OCD, and depression.

Postpartum progressively broke down any deep-rooted misconceptions Sarah held about mental health and slowly challenged the unspoken belief that our worth is inherently tied to the ups and downs of our recovery.

From starting medication to being admitted to the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital for the first time, this is part one of Sarah’s incredibly touching and insightful story.

Monique’s birth may have been quick, but its complications and long-term impacts were anything but. From a 3rd degree tear, prolapse, severe postpartum haemorrhage, partial levator avulsion, a near death experience, and a stay in the ICU, she paints a picture of the pain from her birth trauma and postpartum PTSD as a ‘storm’ - one that she is still weathering.

But thanks to talk therapy with her long-time psychologist, self-compassion, group therapy through the Australasian Birth Trauma Association (ABTA), and the support of her husband, it’s no longer a storm that she is weathering alone.

Join me in this episode to hold space for Monique’s incredibly moving story that shines a gut-wrenching light on birth trauma and why it matters. Please note, this episode vividly describes the experience and impact of physical and psychological trauma - go gently.

With a history of anxiety and depression, Jess and her care team went into pregnancy with a plan to protect her mental health during postpartum. Unfortunately, serious and sudden medical diagnoses for her son, Jasper, immediately after birth meant Jess’s mental health was neglected amongst relentless surgeries, a two-month NICU admission, and full-time caretaking for a sick baby.

The NICU experience cast a long shadow over Jess’s motherhood journey, leaving behind a trail of self-blame, overwhelm, uncertainty, and doubt. Through the support of caring helpline staff, changing medication, making mum friends, a GP that took her seriously, and reclaiming her passions, this is the incredible story of one mother’s journey to come into her own light and to help other mothers know that they do not have to struggle alone.

Follow Jess on Instagram @jesscareywrites and visit her website https://jesscareywrites.com/ to find her collection of books about mental health for both children and adults.

Between a PCOS diagnosis, fertility struggles, and several rounds of IVF, it was not easy for Emma to bring her three boys into the world. Unfortunately, trying to conceive was only part of the mental and emotional battles she faced.

Serious health complications in pregnancy, antenatal anxiety, guilt about not loving pregnancy, and a traumatic birth with her first son, only compounded the mental health struggles that Emma was already facing from years of infertility. By the time her second son was born, Emma’s anxiety was tipped over the edge processing her grandmother’s passing and by an accident that nearly claimed the lives of her husband and son.

From an MBU admission to cutting the ribbon at the opening of Sydney’s newest public MBU, this is the breath-taking story of one woman’s determination to prioritise her own healing and to shape the healing of all women who may one day walk the same path. Emma’s story is as incredible as she is.

Please note, this episode details the lived experience of infertility, miscarriages, and IVF. Go gently.

When mum-of-two and mental health peer worker, Taegan, was first diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder, she didn’t believe motherhood and her mental illness would mix. So in the lead up to starting a family, Taegan spent years preparing, learning, getting second opinions, asking questions, and researching - everything she thought to best navigate motherhood with her diagnosis.

After a manageable pregnancy and postpartum with her first daughter, Taegan expected herself to navigate any challenges that could arise with a second baby in the same way. Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared Taegan for a surprise postpartum depression diagnosis followed by an involuntary admission to a psychiatric hospital - four hours away from her daughters.

I thank @nurture_by_taegan for sharing so openly about the unpredictability of navigating pregnancy and motherhood with a pre-existing mental health diagnosis - from postpartum rage TMS, medication, mixed opinions from health professionals, societal misconceptions about mental ill health, and relapse prevention, to the power of self-compassion along the way.

As Jade says, she has never shied away from sharing uncomfortable stories, and her story of bringing a baby earthside is no exception. While the birth of her daughter, River, seemingly gave her the ‘happy ending’ she so desperately wanted, her journey with uncomfortable stories did not end there.

Instead of the new-born bubble she envisioned for so long, Jade had to walk on eggshells around her baby who constantly screamed. The magnitude of her grief and anxiety was only compounded by River’s colic, causing a ‘crash’ that shattered her nervous system. After three years of back-to-back experiences with an ectopic pregnancy, baby loss, and miscarriage, Jade had nothing left to give.

It was Jade’s mother-in-law who read between the lines of a text message and flew down the same day to take Jade to the doctors to ensure she finally started to receive the help she needed.

I invite you to join me in this episode as Jade shares her truth and the purpose she has found in her pain - featuring grief, anxiety, depression, colic, talk therapy, and medication, as well as the many connections she has made along the way that have held her with love during this journey. I thank Jade from the bottom of my heart for shining a light on the uncomfortable stories we often keep to ourselves.

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss and mentions TFMR. You can find Jade @heart.of.harper on Instagram where she raises awareness, educates, and holds space for the uncomfortable experiences that can come with conceiving a baby and life after loss.

As someone who had never experienced mental ill health, the bubbly and outgoing Nikolina was confronted by the sudden onset of perinatal depression and anxiety within her first few weeks of motherhood. From crying for no reason to not being able to sleep, her PNDA symptoms hit very hard and very fast.

Nikolina pushed through these symptoms for weeks, even using her son’s milestone photo cards as a countdown to the idealised six-week mark. But when nothing changed at six weeks as she had hoped, it was her husband who helped Nikolina realise that she wasn’t herself and that she may need some help to get her spark back.

In this episode, Nikolina takes us on her journey from the career high in her first pregnancy to the excitement of dressing up for therapy, and now to the recent publication of her children’s book - filled with lots of tears, insomnia, therapy, stepping on Lego pieces, and of course, laughter, in between!

You can follow Nikolina on Instagram @heynikolinak where she shares the ridiculousness and realities of motherhood and order her new book My Mummy Loves Fudge! from her website heynikolinak.com

As a self-confessed ‘flaming extrovert’, Lauren struggled with the isolating and all-consuming eat-play-sleep-bathe-repeat cycle of early motherhood. By six months postpartum, the newborn ‘love bubbles’ that she felt so intensely after both of her births became overshadowed by the onset of postpartum depression.

From IVF, miscarriage, severe pregnancy health complications, to two traumatic births, this depression was only the latest in a long line of anxiety and trauma that Lauren experienced on the journey to motherhood.

In this powerful episode, Lauren opens up about her mental health during her pregnancy and postpartum with both of her daughters, and shares with us what helped her through this time - from the PANDA National Helpline (1300 726 306), medication, talk therapy, EMDR, and a psychiatric hospital admission, to her supportive and loving partner, Alex.

While walking the sunny halls of the psychiatric hospital, Lauren created her blog ‘Mental as a Mother’ and is now a volunteer for PANDA. You can follow Lauren on Instagram as @mental.asamother where she hilariously shares all things motherhood, mental health, fertility, and feminism - while wearing her signature bold lip, of course.