When Helen, a midwife and academic, describes her mental health in pregnancy and postpartum, she uses the word ‘blindsided’.

Despite her expertise, Helen was confronted by post-traumatic stress disorder following two traumatic pregnancies, a NICU admission, baby loss, grief, and the continued uncertainties of IVF. As a health clinician, she was also staggered by the prevalence and general lack of awareness of psychological trauma in the perinatal period.

In this episode, Helen takes us on her painful journey of trauma through pregnancy and postpartum, to her subsequent research and advocacy as a result of her experiences. We also discuss the importance of language in this space, post-traumatic growth, grief, stereotypes, trigger warnings, trauma-informed care, and art therapy.

I thank Helen from the bottom of my heart for sharing her story so candidly.

You can find Helen on Instagram as @reallifemidwife where she uses her platform to raise awareness, validate, and educate us all about perinatal psychological trauma (and where she occasionally creates reels of herself in Grey’s Anatomy cast photos).

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss. If you are able to listen, I welcome you to join me in ‘sitting in the shit’ with Helen.

In this episode, I welcome Jade who shares her ongoing journey with mental ill health - a journey which is both three years old but new at the same time. After the birth of her son and the subsequent sleep deprivation, Jade’s mental health declined and she was (mis)diagnosed with postpartum depression. Despite proactively and consistently seeking support from several psychologists and trying multiple anti-depressants across three years, Jade was still experiencing depressive episodes while all the mothers in her online community were in the enviable stages of recovery. With the persistence of a very supportive friend, Jade finally reached out to a perinatal psychiatrist. Within 15 minutes of that first appointment, Jade received the correct diagnosis which came with a whole new treatment plan, a referral to the perfect psychologist (finally!), and of course a whole lot of grief.

Like everything else in her life, Jess had many plans for motherhood. As planned, she fell pregnant after completing her psychologist registration. But when Jess fell pregnant, she was surprised that her once positive outlook was overshadowed by an all-consuming sense of dread and anxiety. Despite sharing this openly with her care providers, her severe anxiety remained undiagnosed.

To her relief, that relentless anxiety ended the moment her daughter, Charlotte, was born - 3 months early! Jess found that she coped better with the unexpected preeclampsia diagnosis, the emergency c-section at 28 weeks gestation, and the subsequent 51-day NICU stay in a hospital over an hour away from home, than she did with pregnancy.

Unfortunately, it was finally bringing her little girl home - a moment she’d waited so long for - that saw the return of her anxiety. But this time, it was crippling.

With the support of an incredible care team, featuring her GP, the hospital-appointed psychologist, and her family and friends, Jess’s anxiety started to ease and she could finally enjoy those moments of motherhood she dreamed about - like sitting on the couch with her daughter in their pyjamas - just as planned.

At 18 weeks pregnant, Aimee suffered the unimaginable - her waters ruptured. But to the surprise of every doctor, Aimee’s waters resealed and at 38 weeks, Evie, a healthy baby girl, was born.

But her relief and joy vanished when suddenly she felt like she was living the worst case scenario she feared, rather than the happy ending she got. Aimee hid her suffering for weeks, until one day her shocked husband found her in a heap on the floor.

When Ella reflects on motherhood, she talks about two things: firstly, the dream of motherhood that she’d had her whole life, and secondly, the nightmare that she was confronted with when she actually became a mother.

A successful economist and accomplished career woman, Kathryn from MotherUp has always been the quintessential high achiever who needed certainty and control over every aspect of her life. Although, of course, when she had her little girl Liv, Kathryn learnt the hard way that perfectionism and motherhood do not mix.

After weeks of being dismissed by medical professionals and the hospital, Tegan finally received the care she needed when she was admitted to an MBU (Mother and Baby Psychiatric Unit), all thanks to the help of an unlikely stranger.